Family Vacation: We’re Staying Where?

It’s family vacation time again, Calamity Crew! This trip is a whole-fam-damily affair including rarely seen extended family members such as the collegiate nieces, the not-blood-related Auntie, and my eldest nephew who is usually stuck working during these trips.

We are all staying in two time share condos which were procured by our matriarch, Meemaw. We are once again at the the Redneck Riviera. The condos are very nice, and we are all delighted to be together. When researching our stay, I was elated to realize this trip is a humor blogger’s wet dream, so to speak. You see, our accommodations near the corner of Dick Pond Road.

Dick Pond
Dick Pond Road, a ride you won’t forget.

There used to be an actual body of water near here, on the corner of Dick Pond Road and Beaver Run Blvd. Knowing this, is it any wonder that Myrtle Beach is the home of shagging?

beaver run
Myrtle Beach beavers run on Dick Pond Road

Apparently, after a boom in unintended pregnancy in the late 60’s and early 70’s, a decision was made to drain the pond. It was later filled in, and today there is a glittering monument to all things Redneck (a.k.a WalMart) on the site. According to the store manager, they still sell quite a few pregnancy tests. Condom sales, unfortunately, are less robust than one might hope.

Being a state steeped in tradition, political opinion of the time demanded that the road names be kept intact. Of course, most of the folks who held office during that period have children who are in their 40’s today….

As times change, opinions and politicians do too. Since Dick Pond Road is a  major thoroughfare, those running for office have littered its medians and easements with their campaign posters. These, too, reflect the generation born and bred of summer nights spent shagging at Dick Pond.

Local politician John Thomas Hyman

John Hyman is running for treasurer. I am uncertain if this is a local or statewide office, but does it matter, really? The point is he’s local, traditional, a good old shagging South Carolinian. At first I was disappointed that his first name was not Buster, but then I found out his given name is John Thomas. Almost as funny.

Not to be outdone, David Cox, also a Myrtle Beach native, is running for school board.

Cox 4 Children…or not.


His campaign poster reads “David Cox School Board District 4Childern” which I found some what confusing. I mentioned this to the WalMart greeter, Two Tooth JJ (one letter for every tooth), and he said that David’s original slogan was “Cox 4 Children” but his campaign manager thought the conservative voter base might find it off-putting, so his signs were amended by the printer at the last minute. Kind of makes me glad I am not a Horry County voter. Oh, did I fail to mention? Myrtle Beach is the county seat of Horry County. How could it not be?

So, friends, stay tuned. I am sure much more mayhem is on the way, maybe even some which is not libidinous in nature. As for me, I am off for a topless ride with my sister.

Two topless girls running wild in Horry County.


    1. One would think not….it’s almost a caricature of the perfect spring break destination. Crazy southerners.

  1. OMG!! I love your blogs and it just so happens, years ago while riding through MB I was laughing hysterically at the fact that we were in Horry County, which alone is its own comedy but then seeing so many signs of all kinds that gave validity to the fact that the county had been named correctly made me even more hysterical. Unfortunately, the person I was with ( a born and bred Myrtle Beachian (?), didn’t appreciate the humor!!
    I have a question. Since there is a non blood related Auntie how can I procure a slot for next years family vacay as a non related cousin, auntie, grandma, ????
    Keep writing!!! I love reading them!!
    Enjoy your vacation!!

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